Foul-Weather Friends
by Vanillasiren
Summary: "Don't say I never take you anywhere." Rumplestiltskin and Regina go to visit Maleficent for … well, just because they can, actually. Also featuring Jefferson! Mostly fluff.


Foul-Weather Friends

Summary: "Don't say I never take you anywhere." Rumplestiltskin and Regina go to visit Maleficent for … well, just because they can, actually. Also featuring Jefferson! Mostly fluff.

"Where are we going?"

"Hush, my wicked one. You'll see."

It doesn't take much. A flash of magic, and they are there. It's not his dark castle, or Leopold's palace (she can never consider it her home as well), but it's definitely_ someone's_ castle, a large and impressive sight. And based on the style …

"This is Maleficent's," Regina says softly, and he smiles at her.

"Correct. We're going to pay her a visit."

"Why?" She asks, and he giggles.

"Why not? Because we can." He puts and arm around her waist. "Don't say I never take you anywhere."

Strolling into Maleficent's fortress with his arm around her feels like the most natural thing in the world.

They arrive just in time to observe a rather … interesting scene between the sorceress and Jefferson.

"The price is far too high," Maleficent is telling him with a frown. Jefferson leans in, smiling indolently at her.

"I'd lower it for a kiss," he says, and she bares her teeth at him.

"How about I just burn you to a crisp instead?"

"Oh come now, you don't want to do that. You'd miss me too much."

"I don't think so –"

"Should we come back later then, dearies?"

They both turn, and Maleficent gives them a genuine smile.

"Finally, some people whose company I actually enjoy." Beside her, Jefferson clutches his chest, wincing in mock-pain.

"You wound me, my fair sorceress."

"Oh hush, I'm not _your_ anything. And I still say the price is outrageous."

"Surely we can negotiate something."

"Later." She waves her hand dismissively. "As you can see, I have company." She walks over to Regina and pulls her into a hug.

"How have you been, my dear? Keeping up with your …" Her eyes dart over to Rumplestiltskin, and she smirks. "Lessons?"

Regina tries not blush, as her teacher says, "She's getting better and stronger every day, dearie. Soon she'll be more powerful than you."

Maleficent cackles, seeming amused rather than offended. "We shall see." She turns back to Regina. "Are you hungry? I can roast us up some dinner."

"I'm famished, myself," Jefferson pipes up.

"Hush! If you're not careful, _you'll _be on the menu. Besides which, I never said you could stay."

"Oh come on, you know you want me to. Besides, we haven't worked out our deal yet."

Maleficent sighs. "Fine."

A short while later, after their bellies are full, Maleficent takes Regina aside.

"So really dear, how are you? I heard Rumple ended the drought in your land for an … _interesting_ price."

I _should have been the price. _"Yes, the son I'll never have. Frankly, I think we got the better end of that bargain."

"Oh come now, you know he only did it for you. He doesn't want to share you with another man."

_And he wouldn't have had to, if he just asked for me!_ But Regina doesn't dare to voice the thought out loud, not even to her.

"Yes, I suppose he can be a bit … possessive," Regina says, hoping her tone conveys nothing but mild annoyance at that fact.

"And you like it."

"I do not," Regina says firmly, and takes a sip from her goblet.

"Sure you don't. So … how good is he in bed then?"

Regina sputters and nearly spits out her drink. As she coughs, Maleficent pats her on the back.

"That good, huh?"

"You're not trying to poison the competition, are you dearie?" As the sound of Regina's coughs, Rumplestiltskin looks up at them from across the room with some concern. A moment before, he and Jefferson had been deep in conversation, no doubt haggling over the price of a magical something-or-other.

"No we just talking about –"

"Nothing!" Regina gasps.

"They were talking about how irresistible Maleficent finds me, obviously." Jefferson flashes a grin.

The sorceress hisses. "_You_ are working my last nerve!"

And then, she breathes _fire _in their direction.

As the flames come hurtling towards Jefferson (and more importantly, Rumplestiltskin), Regina reacts on pure instinct.

"NO!" She shouts, and with a gesture of her hand, stops the flame in mid-air.

The fire crackles and flickers, but it does not move. All four of them stare in fascination.

"No one's ever done that to my fire before," Maleficent said softly.

"I'm sorry."

"No, that was … impressive." Is there an edge to Maleficent's voice now, or is she just imagining it? But then her friend smiles. She snaps her fingers, and the flames disappear.

"He really is a good … _teacher_, isn't he dear?" She says, just because she loves to watch Regina blush.

-Line Break-

"Well drat. It looks we'll have to stay the night."

"_They _can stay. _You_ can see yourself out."

Jefferson pouts. "You'd really turn me out into that … maelstrom?"

"Use you hat to transport yourself somewhere dry then, if you're so afraid of the rain, you big baby!"

"Oh just let him stay, dearie. By the time we get him to shut up it'll be morning anyway."

As luck would have it, a vicious hurricane has surrounded the castle, one which seems to be immune to any magic the four of them can throw at it. Maleficent suspects it's been conjured by one of her enemies (she mutters something about "that petty, green-skinned bitch") trying to cause her a little trouble, and together they decide that the best course of action is just to wait it out.

"Fine," Maleficent huffs again, in acquiescence to Rumplestiltskin's logic.

"Where's my room?" Jefferson asks.

"You don't get a room, Jefferson. In fact, you can sleep on the floor, or in the dungeon or for all I care."

"So where's _your _room –"

"Some place you won't set foot in, unless you want it to be the last thing you ever see." She scowls at him, but then turns to Regina and smiles, taking her arm.

"Come along, dear. I'll get you and Rumple settled in."

The room Maleficent shows them to is spacious and opulent, but also somehow manages to still seem cozy and inviting. The sorceress lets out another breath of fire and sets the hearth blazing merrily. Regina eyes the rather large bed in the middle of the room. She feels her face grow warm, and not just from the fire. Her friend gives her a knowing smirk and takes her leave.

Regina looks out the window. The storm rages outside, but it does not frighten her. She feels safe within these walls. And there is a savage sort of beauty in lighting and the rain, and the moon shines down on them above it all, clean and calm and bright.

"I like it here," she says.

"I thought you might," Rumplestiltskin says, and she turns to smile at him.

"Is that why you brought me here then?"

"That … and I thought perhaps you might test your skills against Maleficent. Though I didn't expect it to happen precisely in the manner that it did. You _do_ know the fire wouldn't have hurt me, don't you?"

"Maybe I was just concerned about Jefferson," Regina retorts, as archly as she can manage, and he giggles.

"Oh come now, but you were so _gallant_, my wicked one! I've never been a damsel in distress before –"

The idea is so ridiculous that she can't stop the laughter from bubbling up inside her and pouring out. She's still laughing, trying to catch her breath, when he closes the distance between them and kisses her.

And then she's breathless for an entirely different reason, as they proceed to make use of that rather large bed.

Afterwards, Regina drifts off too sleep, comfortably warm and secure in his arms, despite the storm that rages just outside their window. In the middle of the night, some noise starts her awake, and for a moment fear grips her, but she relaxes when she realizes that he's still holding her. Her eyes widen as they adjust to the dim light, and for a moment she thinks she's imagining it, but … no.

He looks human again.

_Does he revert to a mortal form when he sleeps?_ She wonders. She's seen flashes of this human appearance before, but now, looking at him, it seems to be lasting longer than just the blink of an eye. She hardly dares to breathe, not wanting to wake him, as she drinks in his features and studies him with care.

It's still her Rumple, whatever he looks like. And he doesn't seem all that different, just a bit … _softer_, somehow, with a normal skin tone. Experimentally, she runs a hand over his cheek. It feels the same to her…

Regina leans over him. She doesn't want to wake him yet, but she can't resist brushing his lips with her own. He sighs in his sleep, and she smirks, as something occurs to her.

Regina slides a hand down his chest, past his abdomen, and then lower still. She begins to stroke him, and when her touch provokes the desired response, she has to bite back a whimper. Gods, it's so damn _exciting_ to feel him get hard in her hand. Then she can resist no longer, and she captures his mouth in a hungry kiss. When their lips part, his eyes (_human eyes_) are open, and he's smiling at her.

"Well, hello," he says. Even his voice is slightly different, a lower pitch, a deeper timbre. It's a voice that pours over her like warm honey, and she thinks she could come just from the sound of it, if he kept talking all soft and sweet like that.

"Hello," she whispers back, grinning at him wickedly. Her hand is still on him, and he moans as she strokes his manhood.

"You know, I could get used to waking up like this … _gods_, Regina …" His hips buck. She purses her lips. This is a new experience for her, being the one with the upper hand (so to speak), and she supposes now is as good a time as any to ask him what she's wanted to ask him for so long.

"Rumple, do you know, you look … more human sometimes? Like you do right now?"

He grunts. "A trick of the light, nothing more. I suppose I look less ugly by moonlight than I normally do."

"I _never _thought you were ugly. I thought you were …" Impulsively, she kisses him again. There is a tenderness in it that almost makes him tremble.

_If ever anyone could break him …_

"Regina …"

"Shh." Another soft, tender kiss. "Just relax. I'm going to take care of you."

She kisses her way down his chest, lower and lower, and when her mouth closes around his hardened member, he lets out a long, low moan. For a time, he cannot help but give himself over to her ministrations.

But only for a time.

"Regina … s-stop."

She looks up at him, teeth bared in a feral smile, pleased with her power over him. "Are you sure you want me to, Rumple? You seem to be rather enjoying it –"

"I want to be inside you."

Regina lets out a little gasp of her own. As if she wasn't already aroused enough…

"Do you?" She whispers, continuing to pump him with her hand.

"Yes," he moans, and she grins.

"Then ask me nicely."

He's well past the point of pride. "_Please_."

She cannot deny his desire, anymore than she can deny her own. Regina positions herself on top of him. For a moment, she thinks he'll flip them over and just take her, but for once, he seems content to let her be in the dominant position. He looks up at her, still seeming so _human_, and almost … vulnerable.

Their eyes lock, and Regina takes him inside of her.

She moans loudly as he enters, as their bodies fit together, and she begins to ride him. He lets her set the pace, which quickly grows frantic, as they plunge headlong into the flames of their lust, moving faster and _faster_, and –

"Rumple, Rumple!" Regina screams, feeling him surge powerfully inside her, her name torn from his throat in response, as her orgasm brings his own.

"Oh, _oh_," she breathes, collapsing on top of him. "Oh gods, that felt good."

"I'll say." He chuckles – not his usual high-pitched giggle – it's a richer, deeper sound. But she doesn't care which way he laughs; she loves the sound of them both. And she doesn't care which way he looks either, human or goblin; she the loves the sight of them both.

She loves …

Regina closes her eyes, and curls into him. He nuzzles her neck, and mutters something familiar about her smelling like apples, and she giggles and shushes him, and they sleep again.

When she wakes up, sunlight is streaming through the window. It's morning, and the storm has passed.

She rolls over, finding his side of the bed empty. She sighs and stretches. Her stomach growls; she supposes she's worked up an appetite after last night's activities. She hopes Maleficent will offer them some breakfast before they have to leave.

After she dresses, she joins her three companions in the main hall.

"Good morning," Jefferson greets her cheerfully. "You oughta try the –"

"Don't talk with your mouth full, it's rude," Maleficent snaps. He grins.

"Sorry, my love."

"I'm _not _your –"

"Oh now please, dearies, don't start again," Rumplestiltskin interjects. His appearance has reverted to normal, and Regina wonders if their little interlude last night was a dream. She almost wants to ask him about it, but she can hardly do that now, in front of the others.

Maleficent smiles, and pats the seat beside her. "Have something to eat dear, before you go."

Regina sits down to enjoy breakfast with her friends.

"Say Regina, what are you going to tell your husband about where you've been? You usually don't stay away overnight, do you?"

She hadn't thought of that. Even so, she's not worried. She shrugs at Jefferson. "Eh, I'll come up with something plausible."

Jefferson smirks. "I'm sure he's just _sick_ with worry by now."

She sneers. "Oh yes. And just imagine if I never went back. He actually might actually have to parent Snow himself, or worse yet, find another damned babysitter to marry!"

There's a bitterness in her voice that she can't mask, and suddenly the mood goes from relaxed and friendly to tense and awkward. Everyone at the table knows that Regina is unhappy in her marriage.

And that Rumplestiltskin could have rescued her from it, if he had chosen to do so.

"So Maleficent, did you dream of me last night? I'm sure you did. And I'm sure I can make your dreams come true –"

"I dreamt of roasting you alive and spitting on your bones when I was finished. Can you make_ that_ a reality?" Maleficent snaps at Jefferson. But secretly, she's grateful for the comment, if only because they all start laughing, and the tension leaves the room. Maybe that annoying portal jumper is good for something after all…

And he's not _entirely_ unattractive. Well, if one goes for that sort of look.

In any case, she can't find it in herself to hate him right now. She supposes she does have a certain kinship with Jefferson, just as she does with Rumplestiltskin and his Regina, his Evil Queen.

They are wicked, wild people, the four of them. Their desires are dark, and their morals are flexible at best. But still, they are strong, and they are safe, and though none of them have exactly what they want, in this moment, sitting here and laughing together, they are content.


End file.
